October 10, 2013 • Culture

Ok guys, I really hate to beat a dead horse, and I know the VMA’s were 100 years ago, but I’ve had 3 nightmares in a row about Billy Ray Cyrus guest starring on an episode of Law and Order SVU, so I feel like my subconscious is telling me to write about this whole situation with Miley. It’s often necessary for me to deal with my fears in a very public way. So just bear with me.

So the MTV VMA’s this year were a celebration of huge teddy bears, strippers, tongues, and horribleness. But this is nothing new. That’s what happens every year. The VMA’s have always been about female artists getting their freak on and taking off most of their clothes. It’s a thing. So why is this time different? It’s been a month and people are still talking about Miley. Maybe it’s her seemingly motormouth stance in the public eye right now: Liam Hemsworth (buh-bye), Sinead O’Connor (fuck you), new album (I’m so hardcore) and of course, last weekends SNL (I’m a plank of wood).

All that aside, Miley’s, like, five and everyone really hates her. But why? She’s just doing her.

She just wants to capture the imagination of young teens boys across the nation between the ages of 12 and 65 (according to the FCC complaints, about fathers being turned on my the performance) oh, and rappers!  Is there anything wrong with that?

Britney got mad slutty at the VMA’s and people loved it. She was giving us the quintessential  ‘bedazzled tarzaness/slut’ look that was ever so popular at the time. Britney accessorized with a belly ring and a snake. You betta work bitch


Aguilera did it too: Using a summer scarf as a top was so next for 2002. I’m also loving how her braids/dreads/paper boy cap combo are very reminiscent of that homeless man who is always sitting on the sidewalk with his pitbull and a ironic sign asking you for money.

And then both of them took the stage to slut it up with Madonna! Britney Spears was 22. Christina Aguilera was 23. Madonna was 45. Now… hold on a second. Miley is 20. Robin Thicke is 36. I don’t recall people losing their shit, quite in the same way when this happened:

2003 MTV Video Music Awards - Show2003 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

This is what the Video Music awards represent. Deal with it. Even Fiona Apple has caused controversy with her “the world is bullshit” speech! So what if Miley, who used to be the queen of demure, decided she was going to spice things up a bit, toss the salad of a giant stripper, stick her ass up into Robin Thicke’s groin, and basically look like a cheap whore with Hep A, B, C, and D?  She looked like she was having a blast.

Stop being so down on Miley for acting/looking like a whore. She seems really happy about her life, she’s loving it, teen boys and skeevy old men are happy. I’ll say it because I fear no one else will: Leave Miley alone. She’s living her dream and taking cues from no one, except maybe Rihanna.

Live and let live, I say.

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All Aboard.

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