There’s The NSA And Then There’s Net-A-Porter

November 8, 2013 • Fashion

Net-a-Porter recently introduced a nifty feature spiffed out with voyeuristic vibes that shows you the products that women all over the world are purchasing in real-time. Drag the map around to see that a woman in London just bought a black Helmut Lang frock, one in LA just picked up a Kenzo tiger-print parka, and another in Australia just purchased a lace and satin top. Just who these women are, we’ll never know. Except that we can easily make it all up. Herewith, 10 women who just made purchases on Net-a-Porter Live, at 9:47 PM on a Thursday evening.

 

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Sydney, Australia: Anya Hindmarch Vanity Kit, $425

The Anya Hindmarch Vanity Kit is the sleek city girl’s way to store ten cans of Vegemite.

 

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Oklahoma City, Oklahoma: Jonathan Simkhai Metallic Boucle Bustier, $325

To be paired with plaid shorts for the Thomas Jefferson Memorial Middle School Thanksgiving Holiday Dance.

 

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Boston, Massachusetts: Caudalie, Limited Edition L’Wren Scott Beauty Elixir, $18

Anselm didn’t really want to get Bronnie a real birthday gift.

 

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South Lake Tahoe, California: Isabel Marant Nowles shearling-lined concealed wedge boots, $840

This woman just booked a three episode arc on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

 

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Cincinnati, Ohio: Aurelia Probiotic Skincare Monday to Sunday Bamboo Muslins, $28

This woman hoards, and then eats, luxury beauty products.

 

Screen Shot 2013-11-08 at 10.52.07 AM Omsk, Russia: J. Crew Tippi ribbed and waffle-knit merino wool sweater, $85

 

For those days when it drops below -15 degrees.

 

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New Haven, Connecticut: Victoria, Victoria Beckham jacquard, twill and wool-felt dress, $1,225

This Spence graduate just got invited to a live reading of “Jubilate Agno,” Christopher Smart’s mid-eighteenth-century religious poem in which the poet extols the many virtues of his cat, Jeoffrey.

 

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Colchester, UK: Lanvin Tiered pleated taffeta dress, $13,750

Henrietta Ponsonby, 14th Baroness of the Graham baronets of Esk, has just purchased this dress to wear for the annual Colcestrian Ball, to follow a day of fox hunting in Friday Woods.
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Athens, Greece: Charlotte Olympia Aries Suede Slippers

Intended as swift means to curse an uncompromising bully, who will turn to grapes when looking into the ram’s eyes. Owner then uses grapes to make wine, which is stored in these stylish suede flats. The “flatsk” trend is sweeping the isles. Believe it.

 

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New York, NY: Madeleine Thompson Waever neon cashmere beanie

Lara’s only news source is The Man Repeller.

Read more:
The New Art of Fashion XVIII
Happy Birthday, Kate, Pt. 2

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