Melissa Stetten Answers Your Reddit Sex Questions

December 3, 2013 • Love & Sex

There are some seriously… “ill-informed” people in this world.  There are also a shit ton of gross people.  What happens when you combine them?  You get the sex section of Reddit.  Ever wonder what a bunch of strangers think about some dude whose girlfriend has a smelly vagina?  Then this site is for you!  I’m going to save you the time of clicking on a link and jot down the question, their explanation, and my answer thereafter. WARNING: I broke a sweat going to town on these bad boys.

Here we go.

 

reddit

What do you do immediately after sex? Specifically, what happens to the semen?

For me, the wife wants to go to the bathroom to get the semen out.  I’m not entirely sure what to do with semen after sex. She doesn’t want it dripping out on the bed.  I find that kills the intimacy while we’re coming down from orgasm.  She doesn’t like the taste of semen or her own vagina so finishing in her mouth is pretty much out of the question.  Thanks a lot sexxit! –khaos4k

Dear Khaos4k,

Who the fuck wants to sleep in wet slimy semen?  Not this girl.  More importantly, a woman SHOULD go to the bathroom immediately after sex to decrease the possibility of a urinary tract infection.  Everyone knows this.  The last thing I need is a bunch of bacteria all up in my vagina causing problems.  Health insurance is expensive and I don’t have time to be peeing in cups at my gynecologist’s office every week.  I already had to take antibiotics for pink eye this year so if I can prevent UTIs you know damn sure I’m going to try.  Also, how else am I supposed to secretly put semen samples in jars just in case I’m single at thirty-seven and want a child from an ex-boyfriend who has good baby-making traits like blue eyes and a family history of no cancer?  Let her go to the bathroom.

 

reddit

How do I get over feeling weird about my boyfriend sleeping with a prostitute?

I know mostly every one now of days has sexual history, but i found out sometime after i began dating my BF that he had had sex with a prostitute. He calls it a “Massage with a Happy Ending” if you rather. But i just cant get over the though of it. Having sex with a GF is one thing but to pay for it kinda bothers me. Am i dumb for letting it bother me? and how do i get over it wierding me out? –edmgirl2812

Dear Edmgirl2812,

You should be more concerned with your grammar and spelling, but I’ll answer your question.  It is totally normal to feel weird about your boyfriend paying for sex.  It would be abnormal if it didn’t bother you.  From my experience, men who pay for sex see prostitutes as objects they can purchase, rather than real human beings.  They don’t think of them as women with feelings, they see them as robots designed to pleasure them.  Again, this is my opinion, and I very much dislike guys who pay for sex.  I had a boyfriend who told me he had a past of sleeping with prostitutes and strippers.  It wouldn’t have bothered me as much if it were many years prior, but he told me he paid for sex a few months before we started dating, and I’m almost positive he did it after we broke up.  We were together almost a year and it bothered me the entire time.  The main issue I took with it was that my boyfriend could easily pay for sex any time he wanted.  There are more layers to that involving trust, etc., because I’m crazy, but the convenience of hookers is the main thing I did not like about it.  Also, prostitutes are gross.  If you’re uncomfortable being with a guy who likes hookers then you shouldn’t be with him, it’s a hard trait to accept.  Oh and the “I” comes before the “E” in weird.

 

reddit

Contracted chlamydia from my supposedly faithful girlfriend, have been having unprotected sex for a year and only just got it, has she cheated on me?

How is it possible for me to just get it now after having unprotected sex for so long? Is it possible she was carrying it for so long before I got it, or has she recently cheated on me? -Codswallow

Dear Codswallow,

OF COURSE she cheated, you bonehead.

 

reddit Are guys aware that they are sometimes feeling poop through the vagina wall?

I’ve never wanted to ask a guy directly in case they didn’t know and then it would put him off tremendously. I always try poop before sexy time, but sometimes I’ll either be having tummy problems or it will be totally spontaneous sexy time. So do guys know when they are profusely rubbing against poop with only a couple of millimetres of flesh between? How much does it put you off? -AllMySinsInOnePlace

Dear TooLongName,

You are literally the only person in the world to ask this question.  Why don’t you bring up this great point next time you have sex with your boyfriend? I’m sure he won’t mind talking about it.  Also, please don’t say “poop” and “sexy time” in the same sentence ever again. *Shudder*

 

reddit

Sometimes my tip feels something sharp/painful inside my wife’s vagina.

Every once in a while when having sex with the wife I get almost a slicing sensation on my penis it has been going on for about 9 years and she refuses to talk to the OB about it and thinks it might be constipation related but I am fairly average downstairs (about 6.25in) it feels sharp when it first happened I would have sworn I sliced my dick open so I was wondering if anyone else here has ever experienced this? -FamilyReadsMyHistory

Dear FamilyReadsMyHistory,

I have a question for you: Did you give up using commas? But more importantly, your wife definitely has vagina dentata.  Get the hell out of there. And as an aside… Why would you ever have your username be FamilyReadsMyHistory and then post a question like this?

  • Holly Connor

    Can you please make this a regular series? I’m dead over here.

  • Elliot Carlin

    Everybody knows happy ending means hand job, right?

  • Megan

    “Prostitutes are gross.” Grow the fuck up.

  • CoolBeans

    Cool another useless post from Melissa that has absolutely no merit or intelligence. Good job melissa! I mean if your job is being a walking cumbag for whatever Hollywood dude you are trying to move up the ladder with.

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