Melissa Stetten Hates “Thigh Gaps”

December 5, 2013 • Culture

670px-Get-a-Thigh-Gap-Step-12

I’ve been in the modeling world for almost four years, and last week I actually heard someone say “thigh gap” non-ironically.  I was meeting with an agency in Los Angeles because my only print agent is in New York, and I haven’t booked a modeling job since fashion week in September.  I could easily sit around all day writing, eating snacks, and going to auditions for Bud Light commercials, but having to constantly look like a model is great motivation to continue eating healthy and working out.  BO-RING.  I prefer eating spicy Korean chicken wings, duh.

I have a weird perception of my appearance.  I think I look like shit ninety percent of the time.  I rarely wear makeup because my skin breaks out if I put anything on it, so I’m out in the world looking like a normal woman.  No one does this in LA by the way.  I used to put on makeup to go to Trader Joe’s because God forbid I run into an ex looking like shit.  But now I seriously don’t give a fuck. I’m not clogging my pores so dudes can get boners imagining what it’s like to have sex with me.  That’s an extreme exaggeration of what I think is going on in men’s brains, but it’s my reasoning behind being too lazy to wear makeup everyday.  I should stop thinking so much.

Last week I was at this new agency and they wanted to take polaroids (iPhone photos) of me.  I went to the bathroom and came back wearing heels and a bikini.  It’s only been three months since my last modeling job but for some reason I felt like they were going to look at my body and be disgusted.  I even asked the dude whose house I slept at the night before if I still look like a model, and he told me I’m crazy for even questioning it.  Yeah… I said I was at a guy’s house, so what?  Okay I wasn’t, I just made that up to look cool.  I woke up next to my cat.  I swear this story has a point!

So I’m standing in my bikini and the woman booker looks at me and says, “Wow you’ve got a nice thigh gap.” I’ve never felt more awkward in my life.  I’m standing in front of three people admiring the space between my legs like it’s the new Banksy.  All I could think was, “Did I remember to shave my vagina? Fuck, maybe I should’ve spent money on laser hair removal instead of paying student loans.”  But all that came out of my mouth was, “Thanks!”  Yes, thank you for complimenting that natural space between my legs that would be there even if I weighed 150 pounds.  The only thing I did to achieve this magical “thigh gap” is not eat fast food.

too creeeeepy

too creeeeepy

I first noticed “thigh gap” from anorexic girls on Instagram who tag their photos #Thinspiration.  Thigh gap is a weird new obsession that makes absolutely no sense.  Is it supposed to be encouragement to get your legs super skinny?  I personally enjoy women with normal sized legs and ass.  An extreme thigh gap sounds and looks gross.  When I heard this lady say it like it was totally normal I wanted to put my clothes back on and walk out.  It made me want nothing to do with the modeling world, but then I remembered I had to pay my rent.  So I now have a print agency in Los Angeles, and a pretty sweet thigh gap.  It’s you and me against the world, two inches of empty space between my legs.

  • Josh Mosolf

    As a guy, I can pretty much confirm we want to have sex with you with or without makeup. So you don’t have to worry about looking like shit (except for that whole “career” thing I guess).

  • CoolBeans

    Good job writing an entire post just to humblebrag about a gap between your legs. Still a horrible writer but at least now you are fucking your way up in the comedy world since it didn’t work for radio or film. Still doesn’t make you funny though sadly. I wonder if your boyfriend knows you are just using him to get into a world with people that are smarter & funnier then you? Oh well I’m sure he will figure it out soon enough. Hope your pussy gets you as far as you need it to.

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