The term “price surging” has been very present recently, with the holidays and travel and all that stuff. Most notably you’ve probably heard it in relation to Uber. Uber is the taxi service you can order from your phone and not have to deal with payments because the fee automatically comes out of your account. It’s a great idea; I’ve used it many times. However, the shitty thing about Uber is the cost of a ride can fluctuate without your knowledge. During the snowstorm in NYC mid-December, a ride that would normally cost $20 would be $150. The CEO claims it’s a great business tactic because airlines use price surges for holidays and popular vacation times, so why not do it with his car service?
He’s basically fucking people over and Uber will most likely go out of business soon. The idea seems logical, though. Plane tickets over Christmas are usually five times higher than a random ticket on a Monday in August. People have no other option for travel (unless they want to Oregon Trail it) so paying the higher prices is unavoidable. The problem is that every other fucking taxi company in the world keeps their prices the same no matter what day it is. Also, the CEO is a total jackass. All of his interviews make him seem like an unintelligent knucklehead. His hairstyle also looks like he probably played the keyboard in a rock band in the late nineties.
I read this very short, random article about New Jersey having fears of sex trafficking during the Super Bowl because 400,000 men will be there visiting. I’m not sure how that’s actual news, but it immediately gave me the mental image of a prostitute charging more for a blowjob to take advantage of tourists. “Yo, this BJ is gonna be $800, its Superbowl Sunday, mister.” Imagine a prostitute saying “mister” after everything. “You forgot about those two golden showers, that’ll be $500, mister.”
If I was a pimp, and the Super Bowl was coming to my city, I would absolutely enact a price surge on that pussy. Price Surged Pussy sounds like an awful Charlie Sheen video podcast, or the name of a brothel in a Bret Easton Ellis novel. Does anyone know the running price for pussy these days? It can’t be any more than like $100 on the streets of New Jersey from a pretty low-rate hooker. I think the pimps of New Jersey should definitely jump on the price surge bandwagon.
The Uber CEO spends a lot of his time on Twitter defending his dumb price surges. I wanted to see if he was actually reading every tweet, so I said to him, “Your favorite book is probably Atlas Shrugged, huh?” Because it’s about elitism and the wealthy being selfish, blah blah blah, and basically supports Hitler’s ideologies. He replied back with, “No, it’s actually a biography about Alexander Hamilton.” Oh of course, the guy that’s on the ten-dollar bill; makes perfect sense.