After you’ve dated most types of guys (still haven’t filled the drummer quota yet) you get to a point where you just don’t want to deal with stupid shit anymore. Any glimpse of a deal breaker and I’m already out the door. Here is installment number four:
I’m not saying you need to love cats, or even like them. Just don’t be a weirdo and hate them. Although, my last boyfriend was eerily obsessed with animals and posted pictures of animals licking his face on Instagram like every other day. It got a little weird, but at least he wasn’t cutting their body parts off and sacrificing them in ceremonies. I had a roommate who hated cats. My friend Lizzy and I went to Yosemite for about four-five days, and we asked our roommate to make sure our cats stayed alive. They had plenty of food and water, all she had to do was make sure they didn’t jump out the window or drown in the toilet. Guess what!?? They didn’t drown, but one of them got outside the window because my pothead roommate opened a window without a screen in it and left it open, even though there was a sign on the window saying “DON’T OPEN, NO SCREEN, CAT CAN GET OUT.” She also had her boyfriend’s dog over who ate all the cat food and gave our cats fleas. She moved out and we haven’t heard from her since. We had only been friends since high school, no big deal. Anyway. That was borderline serial killer behavior to have no regard for our cats, so fellas, please be kind to animals.
Bad Sense of Humor
Men tend to want to be the stronger, smarter, and funnier than their woman, so being someone who gets paid to write funny things can be a little intimidating. I usually date guys who are equally or more funny than I am. I have dated guys whose jokes have made me cringe. It’s not a good feeling. I don’t want to give sympathy laughs to my boyfriend. Misogynistic comedy is also really annoying. I’m talking about Dane Cook style humor, where he talks about fucking sluts and how women are inferior to men. There is nothing I hate more than misogyny, and when a guy thinks he’s being clever or funny talking about girls sucking his dick, it makes me want to barf.
This might be a deep cut but I was watching the first episode of GIRLS and when Adam came into the coffee shop and gave Hannah a hug I thought, “I want a boyfriend who is just as excited to see me.” (I’m decreasing my anti-depressants, bear with me). I’ve never had a boyfriend who wanted to kiss me in public or even hold my hand. I may have been holding back a little too because my parents never hugged me, but that’s beside the point. Women want a man to show that he’s proud and excited to be with a girl. Not kissing in public makes us think that he wants to look available for other possible chicks to put his D in. Or I’m just insanely jealous and crazy. Haven’t really figured that one out yet.
Hating Babies and Children
I’m not planning on having babies in the near future, but it’s really off putting when men talk about how much they hate children. It’s almost similar to hating animals, because how could you hate a cute baby? It’s probably wired in women’s brains to be attracted to men who want babies, so when we hear dudes talking about how gross or annoying kids are, it sets off a red flag. I know there are women who don’t want babies and that’s totally fine. I’ve dated two (older) men who told me they didn’t want children, and that was great because I was in no position to be having babies anyway. I think women just want to know there’s always the option of having babies because every guy we date we always assess as a possible husband. Right, ladies? Don’t leave me hanging…