We’ve all been there. You have 20 minutes to kill before a meeting, dinner, movie etc and rather than circle union square in the deathly cold or sweltering heat like an animal you would like to spend said 20 minutes indoors like a human. If you don’t want to waste your time in an establishment where you will be forced to ACTUALLY spend money, or, like, get drunk, then Sephora is the place for you. While Sephora’s main goal is, of course, for you to actually buy their products, they almost expect/relish in a certain level of ‘sephoitering’ (a term I just made up that combines the words ‘Sephora’ and ‘loitering’…just go with it). Just by the very fact that they lay out all of their goodies to sample they open the door for you to overstay your welcome– to spritz some stuff, try on a lipstick or 3 in the hopes that maybe you’ll fall madly in love with a product, comeback and purchase it… and then be sucked into the cult for life of course and piss away all your pennies on lipgloss etc. But, when ‘sephoitering’ goes from innocent and frivolous dabbling/ sampling to full on purposeful make-up application things can start to get a little weird.
Think fondly back to about 3-4 weeks ago. It was 2013 and we were in the throes of holiday parties and all the drinking, merriment, etc. that comes with them– anyway, I was at a particularly merry Monday night holiday party being thrown by a cool record label at a yung hip brooklyn club. This party was a sensory overload, lots of pretty people, interesting smells PLUS i had just hit a ‘personal best’ by crushing ’99 Problems’ on karaoke…tits deep in all these distractions I pulled a fatal rookie mistake: i left my precious make up bag in the club. There is nothing special about the make up bag itself- its a fairly ugly pencil case sized green stripey number that came in a Clinique giveaway from an unfathomably long time ago…like maybe 2001? But what was inside was as precious as gold (read: my concealer and eye brow pencil…my face’s bread and butter.) I woke up the next morning and upon realizing the “things i had lost” in this metaphorical “fire.” I felt barefaced and scared… what was to become of me? The entire next day after the party I tried calling this yung cool brooklyn club, but being that they are a yung cool brooklyn club they of course didn’t answer the phone, and naturally don’t open their doors until 10pm. Yep, I was in a pickle. A real eyebrowless pickle, alright.
The most important takeaway detail of this rambling story was the fact that this tragedy happened on a Monday….the Monday of this horrible time of year where you feel forced to go to at least one holiday party a night as to not feel like a depressing failure at happiness and social activity. And since i was too lazy/immature to haul ass back to the club at a time that would be convenient for me (how dare they) and too cheap to buy any new makeup (plus in my heart of hearts i knew that my makeup bag would find its way back to me) and with a full week of holiday activities ahead my only real option was to ‘Sephoiter’ my ass off (note: sadly my insecurities of being seen anywhere without at least a little bit of make up on won out…)
SO to Sephora I went, everyday for an entire week to put my face on. It was sort of fun at first, it gave me this weird rush– sort of like role playing, but instead of playing a sexy double agent I was playing an idiot who didn’t know how mascara worked. At first I was generally ok with my status as the ultimate freeloader–but then after i switched up locations a couple of times the whole act not only became boring but it also began to feel a bit dirty and dishonest. It may seem trivial but this guilt got me questioning HOW much makeup should you be putting on without intention to buy? it felt a bit excessive. Thats’ where the inspiration to do this video came from– I wanted to do a fully turned-up version of what I had been doing for a week, so watch me get my ‘Sephoiter’ on above, only this time in 90 seconds or less instead of 20 minutes.
Makeup worn in the video:
On my eyes I went for urban decay- 24/7 glide on shadow pencil in ‘clash’– warning, when they say ’24/7′ they mean it… this shit does not come off.–Benefit’s iconic “benetint” in their new shade “lolitint” for a touch of class, and that light dewey pregnant woman’s glow.
And lastly, on my lips I am wearing Kat Von D brand lipstick in “underage red” because OF COURSE THATS WHAT IT WOULD BE CALLED.
PS- if anyone is concerned as to whether or not I was able to retrieve my make up bag from the club…don’t worry. (I know its been keeping you up at night)…I was!!! However, when I went to get it back, I proceeded to leave my backpack there (yes, that same super cool grey Jansport that i’m wearing in the video above!!!) Inside the backpack were my running shoes and a bunch of important documents that I had been attempting to get notarized all week. Go me! It’s safe to say that I have been forever shamed out of going back to that establishment.