Despite being reportedly the most common fetish, foot fetishism often hides behind a curtain of secrecy due to a presumed oddity and dirtiness surrounding the fetish, perhaps related to the physical dirtiness of the feet, an extremity which we do walk the earth and use to carry our sweaty weight. A reader’s response to my recent piece on secret foot fetishes elaborated on the bondage aspect: “Seeing a girl in high, painful heels…seeing her walk around effortlessly in them, knowing they’re bound up, buckled tight, strapped in…it’s a turn-on. It’s bondage you can admire in public. It makes me want to worship those feet because they’re supporting such a powerful woman in such an elegant way.”
Hand fetishism is similar to foot fetishism as it’s an arousal by an extremity. (What about joints? Where my elbow dudes at?) When learning how to give a footjob, the most basic directions are “give a handjob with your toes.” Yet hands are not hidden, or bound up. Once during a tattoo session, a young female college student, a brunette in a peacoat walked into the parlor asking for her first tattoo. She wanted a shell on her hand. The artist told her to think about it, and come back, as he felt uncomfortable giving someone their first tattoo on their hand. He explained we may not realize it, but second to a face tattoo, hand tattoos are the hardest to cover up. I respected him for politely turning the girl down, and realized he was right. We use hands constantly. I recommend NOT thinking about how often we use them when someone is fingering you, especially if it is day three of Bonnaroo, and you’re hooking up in a smelly tent, and know your boyfriend hasn’t showered, and you also happen to be on LSD. Port-O-Potties induce my acid flashbacks.
Another similarity between foot and hand fetishes is the shyness of the bearer of the kink (although perhaps most people are shy about any kink). Yet with foot fetishes, men’s hesitation to share their kink seems to stem from a fear of seeming like a freak, and an expectation that their partner has probably never given a footjob. With hands it is the opposite. All girls have given a handjob. Speaking of flashbacks, the term recalls awkward high school days and the first time you ever touched a penis. Mine was in the woods in 9th grade after sneaking out of my friend Laura’s house. We got drunk off liquor stolen from parents, practiced making out on one another, then crawled out her window to meet up with neighborhood boys. I have no idea if he came or was in pain from my touch, because we were both so young and bumbling tipsy with our chins covered in pimples, trying to hook up behind a tree while worried our parents would notice we were gone. Either he jizzed his pants or I bruised him, one or the other.
Another negative connotation for handjobs is the “pity” or “sympathy” handjob which brings back college memories. You get drunk at a party, bring a friend home, then while making out start to sober up and realize you have no desire to actually conjoin with this person, but here they are in your bed, and you have to either get them off so they fall asleep already or send them home, so you throw a sorry handjob their way. It’s not a sexually fulfilling experience for either party.
The handjob should not be limited to what we did behind trees in high school before we were ready to lose our virginity. It’s an art, a massage, that can be deeply pleasurable, especially for men who have a thing for hands. As with feet, hand guys exist. I’ve known (yes, in the god-damn biblical sense) one. He was fairly straight-forward in describing his fetish. “I just like the way hands look around my cock,” he said. He also enjoyed how cum looked on hands, yet I think guys just like how their cum looks on any part of a chick, almost like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant marking its territory.
I have large hands, with long and skinny fingers. My piano teachers would always compliment them. My great “keyboard hands” allow for a wide range of stretch and movement, which is a skill that can be applied to penises as well as keys of a piano. Using these hands on both body parts, and the musical instrument produces pleasurable sounds. Once I went on a few dates with the opposite of a gentlemen who would constantly comment on the size of my hands (an online dictionary suggested the word “cad” as an antonym but I’m going to go with “crude-jaded-asshole-who-I-never-went-home-with”). Finally I asked him if the largeness of my hands was a good or bad thing, and he responded “Bad. I like small hands on women because they make my cock look bigger.” Alrighty then, have fun with your own small hands tonight.
Attraction to hands from a female perspective is far more common and discussed, both on kink sites such as fetlife and over dinner. I mentioned the correlation between my skills with hands on the piano and with penises, if a chick is dating a guitar player, her girlfriends are going to ask how he is with his hands. The use of fingers on vaginas, the clit, the mysterious g-spot (which does exist!) warrants its own article, as fingers allow for an array of ecstasy-enducing movement one simple penis cannot. The power of fingers alone proves lesbian sex can be better than straight sex. A finger is too skinny, you say? Well, then use your whole fucking fist. But back to penises.
All men are different, so the first step in learning how to give a great handjob is to watch your guy masturbate. Although boys tend to do this violent thrusting thing when alone, eager for orgasm, unaware of the power these digits can provide. “Why would I want a handjob when I can just jerk off?” is a cliché response to handjobs. I see the validation, that you have more experience with your hand on your cock than I, and when presented with a warm female body, a vagina, mouth or asshole is more appealing since you can’t enjoy such sensations alone.
A few tips for a straight couple, especially a man with a thing for hands, to take handjobs out of the awkward high school box (perhaps “box” was the wrong word there): Use massage oil or a lubricant, my favorite is always Liquid Silk because it doesn’t get super sticky. As with a footjob, have the male partner lie down, and sit across naked facing him. Slowly, building in speed, use both hands, focusing grip on the head of the penis with your fingers and move them up and down. Take advantage of those extendable thumbs. Ask him to tell you what works best, but you probably won’t have to. While women can be scared to speak up about what feels good when being pleasured by their partner, when close to orgasm, dudes tend to bark orders like a dictator.