Beyonce keeps it real sexy in her new video for “Partition.”
I’m pretty confident when I say this: We’ve ALL been there. You know, breakfast time, hair did, boobies out, sitting across from your man in your ridiculously big and lonely chateau, all columns and clocks and generalized dissatisfaction. Out of all the billionaires out there, you silently lament, you had to go and marry the boring eunuch.
And so you’re sitting there, boobies out like I said, and hubby is just ignoring you… even when you sort-of-seductively chew on your cat-eye glasses like you need to whittle that shit down and shank the prison guard. Don’t you know what I can do with this mouth?! you think. But dude doesn’t care. You know it right then and there, while he reads about the fiery uprising in Ukraine and ignores your not-so-subtle fuck-me-now pleas that this was a match made in Hades. BORING Hades. If Hades were, like, lukewarm and no one really cared about going because “Meh, shit ain’t THAT HOT. I’ll still get to bang hookers and drink booze here! Heaven can wait.” That kind of Hades.
This relationship GOT TO GO, you think. And so you drop your napkin on the floor, which serves as some indication to your skinny bitch of a maid that it is on like Donkey Kong. Bring on the glitter and titties, girl. Let’s get sexy.
(Still photo from Beyonce’s “Partition” video courtesy of Sony Records. GIF courtesy of AZPI Tumblr)