Money Buys Taste: Why The Row Always Crushes It

September 9, 2014 • Fashion

I know we’re all supposed to forget that Full House ever happened, or that we didn’t, at some point in our evil childhoods, all sing along to “Brother for Sale” with perverse relish, but if you had asked me if two pony-tailed twins wearing Oshkosh were ever going to pull off one of New York’s most impressively luxurious lines of clothing, I would have said something like “Cold day in hell” or “What? Psh. No. Ya’ll ever been to the Wal-Mart?” But Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen prove season after season with The Row (I like to call it “Stateside Celine”) you can be a childhood actor pandering to canned laughter, make a bagillion dollars merchandising your image, and still seamlessly transition into the world of high fashion.

In fact, I think it’s precisely the route to go, because—in the case of the Olsen twins—money does buy taste, and the twins have had it for so goddamn long, recognizing the good stuff is part of their bodies’ automatic nervous system, taken care of along with breathing, salivating, sweating, and digesting kale. These girls eat luxury for breakfast.


The Row’s SS ’15 show was yet another exercise in extreme good taste. Amish bread maker meets Sister Wives chic. Models walked down an empty stretch of New York loft, light spilling over them from the skylights above, washing everything in the absurd sense of calm that only securing a piece of premium Soho real estate can afford. The whole thing—from the location, to the models, to the swaths of fabric wrapped around chests like infant-free baby bjorns—was so goddamn serene. I’ve never been that serene. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that I’ve deserved to be that serene.

But the Olsen twins—hardworking as they might be—know the blissful payday known as CHILL VIBES, when you can stand on the shores of the Aegean with your straw hat (perfectly chosen) and your blonde hair (perfectly dyed) and be at total peace. And it’s that Awareness of Ultimate Better that puts you at the helm of a brand that doesn’t need to focus on anything but the best fabrics and the most simple construction. Serenity, bitches. Really expensive serenity. Now I’ve just got to figure out how to calm the f*** down while still working my ass off in the hopes of one day affording this stuff.













Runway photos courtesy of Other courtesy of Harper’s Bazaar.


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