How to Wrangle a Unicorn for Your Next Threesome

December 10, 2014 • Love & Sex

Every open-minded couple, an abundance of bi-curious women and, well, let’s be honest, every straight man has lusted after the legend of The Unicorn, that perfect sexual creature to come into your relationship and give you the threesome you’ve been jerking off to for years. However, she’s not a mythical creature; she’s a human, with wants, needs, emotions, and opinions. Raining arrows of “So my girlfriend and I were wondering…” through OkCupid messages isn’t always enough to catch her. She’s not meant to be caught, she’s meant to be wooed. Here are some tips on unicorn hunting for couples to make your MFF threesome more like the Three Musketeers and less like the Three Stooges.

The Unicorn is a Person Too…

The “guest star” is not simply a body to fulfill all of your sexual fantasies. If you’re lucky, she may indeed do that, but she’s not a blowup doll. Indulge her intellectual needs, engage in conversation, and of course pay attention to her sexual satisfaction. Basically, play nice and don’t be a dick. Apply social etiquette as you would to any sexual partner.

Have the Woman Approach the Unicorn

The other day, in an antique store, a woman passing by turned to me and said, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve seen all day.” This happened over a week ago, and has still been the biggest ego boost I’ve received in a while. If she had been a man and said those same words, I likely would have made a stink face and felt annoyed by just some other cat-calling guy on the street. Women are hit by men with come ons from every which way all day long. It’s exhausting and causes one to revert to a state of defense to be seen as a whole human rather than a sexual object. For this reason alone, for couples, it often goes over better to have the women approach the other woman. For the third, the other woman can be the most intimidating aspect of a threesome. Is she going to get jealous? Is she being pressured into this by her boyfriend? If the two women bond first both can enter the engagement feeling more at ease and respected.

Online Has Its Pros and Cons

Ah, the debate between whether to source an old friend or find a new stranger. If you decide you’d rather go with someone new and shiny that neither of you have any connection with, online is today’s go-to. The pros is that if things should get awkward you don’t really have to see that person again. From a joint account on mainstream dating sites like OkCupid to threesome-specific apps like 3nder, and the classic Craigslist ad, the con is that you’re still meeting a stranger from the internet. If you’re lucky, they won’t be a psychopath, but chances are they might have the clap. If you’re going the online route, you can often find more success with a group sex specific profile such as 3nder or a message board on FetLife as it’s really easy for women on dating sites to be overwhelmed by the amount of couples contacting them and simply ignore. By the way, for those willing to go there, it’s often far easier to meet couples online rather than single chicks.

In-Person Has Its Pros and Cons

Now, I didn’t mean to suggest above that a friend of yours can’t have the clap. Yet you might be more familiar with their sexual history or feel more comfortable discussing such subjects. However sleeping with someone you know could alter the relationship for better or worse, so tread carefully when approaching a friend about a threesome. In my opinion, an ideal threesome partner would be someone one of you already had a casual sexual relationship with and feel comfortable around, however there’s no emotional connection. Such relationships are often the easier to select from, so think back to fun outgoing sex partners.

Booze Can Help, But in Moderation

Threesomes can be daunting, and there’s no denying that a little liquid courage can make things easier (I’m not talking about lube, but keep that handy, as well), not to mention most social-sexual interaction takes place at a bar. While a buzz can help you let your guard down, avoid excessive consumption as you’re already entering a possibly highly emotionally volatile environment. Not to mention you want to follow your boundaries decided between you and your partner and practice safe sex, which booze can inhibit. Plus, you’ll want to remember the damn thing.

Set Boundaries 

Is this experience purely physical? Can it happen more than once? Does she spend the night? Can your boyfriend have vaginal sex with her, or just oral? There’s no dress rehearsal, but it’s important to set predetermined boundaries and stick to them. If boundaries are disrespected and you try to stick it in the butt when that’s been explicitly laid off the table you can be sure threesomes won’t become a regular part of your relationship. If you follow the rules, your group sex involvement could evolve.

Two Words: Honest and Direct

Let the third person know what you’re looking for. You may only be interested in a one night thing, or perhaps you are more open and are interested in finding a woman to participate in your relationship on a somewhat regular basis. Is it sex, or is dating allowed? Are you and your partner simply experimenting, in an open relationship, or polyamorous? The third has a right to know exactly what she is getting into before deciding to come home with you, so be honest and direct with her. Some women don’t sleep with first timers, some prefer poly, as we’ve established she is a person too so let her decide if your couple is right for her.

Don’t Leave Anyone Out

If the boyfriend and The Unicorn just start going at it and forget about the girlfriend, there’s going to be some very unsexy emotional shit to clean up after. Part of the experience may indeed be watching your man get it on with another girl, but you also need to get yours. If the unicorn is left out, she’ll feel unwanted and think why the hell is she there in the first place. Make sure both women are equally attended to. Now, if you want to leave the guy out and just go at it, well, he can watch.

Hang Out First 

Unless your threesome is something that just evolves from a night out at the bar, hang out first, fuck later! As stated with the basic rule, make The Unicorn feel like, you know, someone you’d actually want to be friends with outside the bedroom. Suggest casual drinks or a concert for the first date and wait until you’ve sensed there’s a sensual connection before you invite them home.

Communication 

Talk with your partner. Talk with your partner before, and share your feelings after. Talk to The Unicorn. Make sure everyone is on the same page. And for fuck’s sake, talk dirty during.

Happy hunting.

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  • Riley Bailey

    Great article. It is so important to have open discussions before you even think about bringing a unicorn into your relationship…and having open and frank discussions with your potential unicorn is just as important. We originally searched for a unicorn on Craigslist and on a couple of swingers sites. We were able to find a few ladies that were interested, but only one came through and she had a ton of drama. So we decided on a different approach. We found a site that is all about Unicorns/SugarBabies and Couples connecting for ‘mutually beneficial’ arrangements. It gave the opportunity to search for the kind of Unicorn my husband and I both wanted. We found three that fit the bill and met two of them for drinks. After meeting for drinks we were able to have a very frank discussion with her about what our wants, needs and desires were and she told us hers. Then we all agreed on the details of the arrangement…and it has been fun ever since. We have a regular monthly date with her and we provide her with a small allowance, and we always have a gift for her when we meet. It is a great way to find a unicorn and truly enjoy the experience on your own terms. If you want to try it…https://3SomeArrangements.com is the site. Check it out…and don’t be stupid…it is absolutely worth the investment to have a willing girlfriend for you and your wife.

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