Jerry Seinfeld once criticized George Costanza for wearing sweatpants. He said the message it sends is: I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
It’s no doubt sweats and yoga pants have made their way out of the gym and into every woman’s wardrobe. I wear the fuck out of yoga pants. I’m wearing some right now, and they actually have pictures of George Costanza’s face on them. I might wear them to stop by the pharmacy for some birth control pills on my way home from yoga, but I wouldn’t wear them as part of an actual outfit to go to work or dinner or a movie or anything. That would be nuts.
The two occasions in which I think it’s okay to wear yoga pants are:
2. A yoga class
I don’t wear them in public because it feels too much like wearing sweatpants in public, and only people who have completely given up wear sweatpants in public. Like George Costanza.
When is the last time you walked out of your house wearing yoga pants and felt super confident about your appearance? I’m sure you don’t feel like a total piece of shit, but I’m also sure you don’t feel great. Sure, wearing yoga pants is more comfortable than wearing jeans. In the same way wearing flip flops is more comfortable than wearing heels, and taking Xanax is more comfortable than thinking. But part of being a fucking adult is having to dress like one.
According to the Wall Street Journal, sales of yoga gear have increased 45%, but participation in yoga has only increased 4.5%. Are people really too lazy to use zippers and buttons?
There have been many arguments against yoga pants, mainly how they’re banned in certain schools because teenage boys can’t control their sexual urges. Apparently seeing the outline of a vagina will make teen boys explode into their too-tight jeans and the semen will seep down into their high-tops that are too big for their body. I’m obviously against that stance because it’s misogynistic and wrong. Women can wear whatever the fuck they want, and if men can’t handle it, they can go fuck themselves. Controlling women’s clothing is basically saying, “Dress slutty and you’ll get raped.”
I am, however, against yoga pants for an entirely different reason: they’re not fashionable.
In this wonderful and hilarious interview with author and overall badass Fran Lebowitz, she says, “Yoga pants are ruining women… it’s just another way of being in pajamas.” I couldn’t agree more, Fran. Making a conscious decision to wear yoga pants in public is the ultimate bummer. I don’t care if you bought them for eighty dollars at Lululemon, they shouldn’t be incorporated into your daily outfit. Why would you wear bland and boring (and most of the time unflattering) pants when you could easily throw on a pair of jeans and look like you actually care about your appearance? If your yoga pants covered your feet they would be considered tights, and if you wear tights without anything over them you might as well be wearing nothing.
I understand that sitting on an airplane for more than five hours is extremely uncomfortable, but that is no excuse for wearing pajamas to the airport. You don’t want to be like someone who eats McDonald’s for breakfast, already giving up on the day when it’s only 8am. I’m sure you don’t care what other people think of you, and neither do I, but it’s usually not appropriate to wear sweatpants to work, so why should yoga pants be any different? I don’t want to see a dude wearing tight bicycle shorts as actual shorts, so women shouldn’t wear stretch pants as actual pants.
Lebowitz also remarked, “Can you imagine if women tried as hard as drag queens? We’d be a much more attractive culture. I wouldn’t have to give out so many yoga pants citations.” She’s the best.
Look, women SHOULD and CAN wear whatever they want, but every time I see a girl wearing leggings with a crop top I can’t help but think, “Come on, really?”