The era of oppression is over! For too long, skinny jeans have strangled our inner thighs and our appetites, forcing us to be ever-presently aware of our shape. Kale was consumed, green juices downed, pilates memberships paid for. And, yes, while we all looked like any one of Kate Moss’ rockstar boyfriends at any point over the last 20 years, the pressure was relentless. After an excessive tenure, the tide has finally turned and all of us can expect to be paying a premium for some uber-forgiving mom jeans scored at a Salvation Army for $2, retrofitted to be a little less repelling to whatever member of sex you’re trying to attract these days, and sold at a premium. (BTW if you’re in the market, Reformation does a great job. Check them out.) This is great news for your ass, which you won’t need to worry about as much anymore. Plus, mom jeans require a bit of booty. Here’s how we’ll be filling them out.
Pancakes. As a mighty friend of mine once said: “Carbies make Barbies.”
Hey, remember your childhood, and when you never used to think about the calories in a hot fudge sundae? It’s time to party like it’s 1989, my friends. Get scoopin’.
We’ll have what he’s having.
Life’s too short to chew.
WWMWD (What Would Mia Wallace Do)
When confronted with your next plate of cupcakes, baked especially for you, well, you know the drill.