Author archives

  • December 19, 2014 • Culture

    Santa Created by Ancient Humans Tripping on Shrooms

    Now what do you want for Christmas, little girl? How about a controversial Santa creation story to tell around the holiday dinner table, perfect for shutting everyone up when a grandparent asks why you’re not married? When I found...

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  • December 10, 2014 • Love & Sex

    How to Wrangle a Unicorn for Your Next Threesome

    Every open-minded couple, an abundance of bi-curious women and, well, let’s be honest, every straight man has lusted after the legend of The Unicorn, that perfect sexual creature to come into your relationship and give you the...

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  • December 5, 2014 • Love & Sex

    Insomniac Relationship Revelations Vol. III

    Insomniac relationship revelations are back with a new relationship and multiple bottles of sleeping pills I’ve blown through. In this edition, we’re going to focus on that boring bass player of the homo sapien band: The straight male....

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  • July 9, 2014 • Love & Sex

    Making a Girl Orgasm: A Handy Guide

    Like an office deadline looming in red, a man’s want for a woman to orgasm during sex can change from a well-intentioned desire to an unflinching demand and backfire if not orchestrated correctly. Sure, we ladies feel arousal in our...

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  • June 30, 2014 • Love & Sex

    Dirty Sex Sans Disrespect

    You can have kinky, dirty sex without feeling dirty. Wait, I take that back. In kink–take S&M, for instance–the whole point is to feel dirty and degraded; it’s what gets you off. But you can have that sex and still...

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  • June 10, 2014 • Love & Sex

    Relationship Milestones with Sophie St. Thomas

    Marriage. Children. Starting a shared Instagram account for a drop-kick dog (noun: a dog so annoyingly rat-like you’d like to drop-kick it off a bridge like in Anchor Man). Truth be told I’ll likely end up getting married one...

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  • June 2, 2014 • Love & Sex

    Online Dating Site Cliches 101

    Writing online dating site profiles is basically a tedious, masturbatory exercise in convincing people you are desirable. An avid fan of the cliche “If you can’t convince them, confuse them” strategy, mine mentions serial...

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  • May 26, 2014 • Love & Sex

    Insomniac Relationship Revelations Vol. II

    Any lover can attest that I write the most delightful sleeping pill love poems. It’s not real unless you’ve gotten one from me. I’ve had trouble sleeping since high school. After a bout of jet lag a few years ago after a...

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  • May 19, 2014 • Love & Sex

    Maximum Romance. Minimal Cash.

    I have a shelf of collectibles and oddities obscured by dangling scarves in my room. Along with various candles, a vial of scorpion wine and a book of spells, I admit I own a self-help book or three. They can be, well, helpful. Most in my...

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  • May 12, 2014 • Love & Sex

    The 10 Best Things Mom Ever Told Me

    Shout out to my mother… for loving me as her blonde island girl thinking of law school who transformed into a tattooed sex columnist currently driving down a highway wearing a bright blue wig. Thank you Mom for supporting me through...

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